When I say No, I Feel Guilty.....

Coming off a wonderful 42nd Birthday weekend, first I have to say I had a great time. Lots of well wishes from my Facebook Friends and blog followers coupled with well wishes from wonderful Husband, my aunt Nadine and my sister Kristy. Unfortunately it was also joined by the fact that my mother forgot my birthday.... again.

To say that we do not have the best relationship in the world is a gross understatement. Estranged, puts it mildly. My mother lacks the tools to have adult relationships with others. She wont' take her meds and she tends to "think" like an eight year old. For example yesterday we were discussing her health and we found out she's not taking her blood pressure medicine or her taking her blood sugar tests. My sister (the RN) did those two tests on her and her sugar was over 500 and her blood pressure was 202/95. She's looks like she's on death's door and when I ask her if she's taken her meds she directly tells me to stay out of it. Hurt and sad I let her be.

What's all this leading to? Well I started a new book this weekend called "When I say No, I feel Guilty". I'm only on page 36 and I've found some pretty incredible information. For example, I manipulate my husband. If you told me that on Friday I would have denied it. But saying things like, I need you to get up the doggy poo because "boys" do that. Was a way for me to "guilt" Eli into getting up the poo by trying to make him feel "Well if I am a real man I'll clean this up". I nearly fell off the couch when I read this part. How could I do that to someone I love?

I'm still reading so at least I'm not being so pig headed that I can't see my behavior from other prospectives. I'm extremely curious to see how it ends and I know that even if I don't learn another thing from this book, I've already learned that it's ok for me to say when I don't like something. I don't have to say why I don't like it. I can just not like it and it's ok!

That makes me smile.

Blessed Be

My little sister Kristy & I.


Elijah Olson said...

Not only can you say no, but remember you can also say "Yes". Yes, I would rather have Italian over Chinese...for an example :)

Alexis Kennedy said...

Wow, Sosanna, what an eye-opener! Thank you for sharing your honest, open self with us. You inspire me daily :)

Sosanna said...

@NCDad - Smile, Yes, I can

@Kallan - Aww thank you, I'm finding that I like sharing more than not. Thanks for your post and I'm glad that I inspire. :)

Magaly Guerrero said...

Your mom reminds me of mine. I'm crossing my fingers this year. You think I'll give up after 34 springs, but I'm a positivist.

I do the whole manipulation without intending to do so too. Then I make it worse by becoming an over apologizer, but it only happens with my Piano Man. He is just so accommodating that some times I feel I'm taking advantage of him. Or maybe it is just that I'm not used to having someone who always puts me first no matter what... weird.