Dealing with Anger

So what do you do when someone betrays you?  What do you do with that feeling inside.  How does one become enlightened, or for that matter "happy" with themselves after dealing with a break up.  Be it a break up with a significant other or a break up with a family member.

At times I find myself at odds with protecting myself and with my religion.  As a solitary follower of Hecate, I don't have a great deal of dogma associated with my faith.  I don't have to forgive as instructed by the Christian Bible or even as Buddha suggested in the story about the man who spit in the face of another.

It is said that Hecate does not forgive easily and she holds a grudge.  As Goddess of the Witches, Hecate holds a special place for me, and is why I believe she chose me.  You see, I need someone to watch over me and protect me.  I need that extra dose of confidence.  I believe that's why she's here with me.

So how does this relate to my current situation?  Is it ok to sometimes not forgive?  Are there steps that can be taken that can make you hold a person accountable for their actions and NOT have that feeling of forgiveness in your heart?

We've all heard "forgive and forget".  Some people believe that forgiveness is an offshoot of love; and in order to love, you must forgive.  I be to differ.  How is it love to continue to allow others to berate you?  How is it love to allow others to abuse you?  You cannot love another until you can first love yourself.  Allowing others to hurt you is practicing self abuse.

So at what point is forgiveness in conflict with self-preservation?

I'm not sure I have the answer to that.  I do know that in my current situation and in my current state of mind, I feel attacked and the best way to prevent being attacked is to shield myself from those attacking.  Be it family, be it strangers.  Am I right?   I have no idea.  I can only hope that if I am wrong, I will learn a lesson just as valuable as the one I'd learn by being right.

Namaste & Blessed Be


Sam Curtin said...

This is a great post to think about. When I think about it there are certain people in my life that I have learned to forgive but there are people that I simply can't forgive. I tend to be a very cynical person, especially when it comes to trusting people; I simply don't. If I do trust someone and they betray that trust and hurt me then that's it for them. Instead of forgiving them I tend to banish them from my thoughts and my life so that they're not constantly on my mind after hurting me.

Stephanie said...

I can tell you that you have to forgive that has to come from deep inside of you. Its hard to forgive people when they really hurt you. So all I can say is it takes time and when your ready you will forgive those who hurt you. It took me 13 years to forgive my mom for abandoning me as a child.I never thought I could forgive her but I did and was glad because after that weight lifted of I was able to be happier then ever. Granted me and my mom are close now but if we were I know that I could go on and be happy and not dwell on her or the past. Just know that your friends will be there for you. I will be here as well and you have the GREAT goddess Hecte to be there for you. <3


Unknown said...

I to have had to grapple with a similar question in the past weeks- letting go of anger is never easy- I had to finally come to the conclusion that it was a no win situation for me, for my sanity I had to leave it and move on- I too feel the need to turn to Hecate for guidance and protection- I feel more at peace now that I have come to accept that which I cant change and feel strength from the goddess that i am moving in the right direction

Unknown said...

I think it's important to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean allowing the abuse to continue. I abhor the idea of forgetting. No, that's crazy talk as far as I am concerned. Truly forgiving someone does come from love but you have to love yourself enough to stop the cycle of abuse.

Alexis Kennedy said...

I would expect you to protect yourself from harm, especially because you follow the Rede. Do no harm means to you as well. You HAVE been attacked, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with shielding against it. Hug yourself for me. Call me if you need to vent.

Anonymous said...

I've always had a problem with the phrase, "forgive and forget". To forgive doesn't mean you should forget; in fact, doing so may put you in a predicament, where you find yourself forgiving over and over for something that really should not be forgotten. I know I've been burned like that before, where you just take so much shit while living that motto that you lose who you truly are and what you believe.

I broke up with a friend a couple years ago, and while I've forgiven enough to unblock her from Facebook and other social media, I never forgave her for what she did. It wasn't nearly as unforgivable as what happened to you, either -- while I was burned, I wasn't a smoldering pile of ashes. (Huge hugs and lots of love, by the way!!) Forgetting what happened between us, though, would open me up to the possibility of it happening again... and I won't stand for it,

You shouldn't, either. :)

WhatAreWeCrazy!! said...

If we lived in a simple black and white world the answer would be easy. But we don't and no one but you can say what is the answer. There are times when forgiving is not the answer. Other times when eventually the time will come to put away the hurt, no one can know but you and let it come in its own time. To "forgive" a deep hurt to quickly usually means you haven't forgiven at all but have push it down under all the garbage that life throws us. All I can offer is to try and put the pain and hurt in a place where it doesn't eat at you, let it rest there, take it out qently from time to time and see if the time is right to let it go. "Forgive"? maybe not sometimes you and the other person can move on and even walk together without Forgiven, which is much better than false forgiveness, that just festers and causes more pain. Good Luck to you as you deal with all this. May you feel the healing energies that flow to you.