Forgive & Forget

Coming to terms with the hurt that one experiences when there is a betrayal of trust is difficult.  The level of difficultly is directly related to the level of trust one person had.  I have had a situations dealing with my blood related family and with my family of choice that have been on both sides of the spectrum.

When dealing with members of a close circle it becomes quite obvious when one member decides to shun another. Over the last few months in my community I've seen quite a bit of mud slinging and name calling.  I have watched as people actually tried to destroy another's livelihood because of some comments on social media.

While I get that something shouldn't be said, people do make mistakes.  Which brings me full circle to situations I've dealt with personally.  People I trusted. People that I called friends, but really they were merely acquaintances.   You see social media has taken the word friend and changed it.

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A friend once was someone who was a trusted companion.  Now it a verb.  Social media has a way of turning people into bullies.  It also has a way of making people feel as though they can be ugly and not expect to be called out for it.   And by ugly, I mean mean, that's what my grandma used to call it.

So what do we do with these people?  These "friends" who have been ugly to you?  I have the light and love friends saying forgive forgive, you need to forgive to move on.  Then I have the other side of the road saying bind, bind.

Let's be really clear here.  I have no need to forgive.  My life is a daily set of choices.  I have things to do.  Having someone's approval, permission or any other type of validation is something that became obsolete many many years ago.  I am responsible for my own words and actions, not those of another.  If someone wrongs me, that burden is on them, not me.  No matter what I do in this world I will never be able to change someone's opinion of me.  They set that opinion, they created it in their mind and they own it.

I hold other's responsible for their actions.  That doesn't mean that I'm holding a grudge against you. Everyone enters my life with an equal amount of trust.  As that trust is broken and tossed aside it becomes less and less.  If that person shows up at my door pretending nothing is wrong, they will get a sad awakening.  I will remind them of our last encounter.  Don't send me a friend request on social media while there are still underlying issues between us.  Perhaps an apology might be in order prior to sending that.

Also keep in mind that just because someone who has wronged you apologizes, you are not obligated to accept it.  I have people from my past that even if they did reach out to me, I may say, thank you for the apology, but that person would not be welcome to share in my day to day life.  An apology doesn't grant access back into your life or your circle of trust.  Forgive and forget is crap.  I don't want you to forget what happened to you.  Keep that shit fresh so that it never happens again.

Am I being nasty about this?  I don't think so.  Others may disagree.  There is a real difference between taking holding some one responsible for their actions and holding a grudge.  Don't be guilted into bringing a destructive force back into your life.  This is your life and you are the owner of it.


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